rasta rasta mcfarland

I sleep                                                                                             I sleep

I sleep and                                                                                       And 

Yeah, my blood                                                                               My blood

It pumps, courses through                                                           Courses through

My body. The red of the sand                                                          The sand,

Is not the blood that pumps through                                                  Through

My body. I sleep? Yeah, I sleep and the                                           The

Red seeps. A red film over my eyes, red over                                    Red over

My body. I must be wrong, and the pillars must be                            The pillars

Right, because they never move.  They never move over                   Over

My body.                                                                                         My body

How does one come to grips with the thought that one can't know anything at all?  I don't know anything.  Every choice has consequences...

I just read C.S. Lewis's "The Great Divorce," and I like his vision of eternity.  There is just one thing that bothers me (I am sorry that this might not mean anything to anyone)- in C.S. Lewis's eternity, humankind are creatures destined for happiness like we can't believe, if we only do one thing; the one thing is essentially shrugging off everything that we are now and allowing ourselves to be consumed by the love of Christ.  So, who we were before isn't important.  What we do in this life isn't important.  What we learn in this life isn't important, because it has no bearing on eternity.  All we have to do is be humble enough to grasp the power of Christ and not reject it in the eternities.  That just takes so much away from life, in my eyes.  It makes life meaningless.  In C.S. Lewis's vision of eternity (and here, I will concede that he is just trying to paint a small picture of eternity while living here in time, and a true picture just can't be made), I could do all kinds of horrendous things and when the time came for me to be a child of Christ, I just shrug everything I was off and forget it all and start life anew.  I don't know, maybe that's how it actually is.  We can repent.  We can ask forgiveness and be forgiven.  Maybe it's that Lewis doesn't emphasize the pain of change and repentance.  There is just something a little bit off.

Or, am I wrong about my perception of life?  Is life really unimportant?

I take life very seriously.  I feel like I try to give my all to living life, but maybe it doesn't matter.  Maybe we are here for a minute, and things don't start really mattering until the eternities.

I can't buy that.  I think why this is all bothering me so much is that Lewis's vision of eternities rings so true with me, I want his model to be able to fit inside mine, but his vision cannot hold my idea of life.

Nothing's coming to me anymore.  I think I need to spend more time with these ideas, and maybe I will update this post later on.  I want to post it now because I like the poem.  I also like having all these incomplete thoughts on my blog and in my journal and in my writings.  I don't think any of these ideas are perfect and none of them probably hold very much water, but these all pretty roughly map out how I am thinking and show the path my mind is treading.

But really, I am pretty sure that outside of things like love and, well, maybe just love (keeping in mind that for me, love is a very broad range of things that are all housed under that roof- God, self, faith, hope, etc.), there is not a single thing that any of us can actually know.  Everything else is basically relative and subject to change.  Every bit of knowledge that people have ever had about the universe has been completely turned over and thrown out due to new knowledge and new evidence from proceeding generations, and this is going to keep happening.  What I am saying is, I don't know anything.  No one really knows anything.  But we keep on going because it all feels very rewarding.  As long as we have the feeling (love, again), we keep going and we stay the course.

I have one more thing to say- there are a lot of people in the world who deserve our love and attention.  There are a lot of people who could be dear, perfect friends if we only had time.  As time is unilateral and finite, we are very limited right now, in life, with who can give our time and love to.  I do believe that in the eternities, that will be rectified.  People who will be our friends and who we want to give time to because we love them but just can't, will be able to receive that love in the eternities.  All the love our friends deserve to get here but can't get from us can be given when time is done.  Right now, we just have to focus on our errands (and sometimes those errands suck, and they hurt, and they are hard, but hopefully they help you get where you're going... And hopefully, they are not all bad.  Sometimes they are good and fun.  I now ramble.  It's kind of therapeutic).

I wish I could tell everyone I love how much I love them...